


Save Our Last Goodbye

by Ava_Writes_Alot



Category: Fire Emblem Series, Fire Emblem: Seisen no Keifu | Fire Emblem: Genealogy of the Holy War
Genre: Angst, F/M, Implied/Referenced Suicide, Loptyr is very much involved, Read at Your Own Risk, Self-Harm, Suicide Attempt, Yurius | Julius has Angsty Feelings
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-04
Updated: 2020-08-04
Packaged: 2021-03-05 22:06:58
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,127
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25702537
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ava_Writes_Alot/pseuds/Ava_Writes_Alot
Summary: “Ishtar, my love…” he muttered. He did his best to not cry. He needed to be brave enough to not burst into tears in front of his lover.“Lord Julius, are you alright? You look scared…” Ishtar knew about Loptyr’s control and knew to just go along with whatever he said. She knew this was indeed Julius speaking to her; the weakness and uncertainty in his voice made it obvious.
Relationships: Ishtar/Yurius | Julius
Kudos: 14
Collections: Calamity's Advent





	Save Our Last Goodbye

**Author's Note:**

> My second piece for the calamity’s advent zine!! This one is older so there will be some old mistakes in there but I still love this regardless! Hope you enjoy!

‘ _They say in time the pain goes away_

_ But in my soul, it will forever stay’ _

* * *

Time slips away with Julius slowly losing control over himself. Years pass with no way to get the dark god away from his mind. He couldn't count the number of years gone by; he couldn't even think. The pain kept growing with each day that had gone away, it was like he could not focus on his own surroundings, and he couldn’t even remember being himself. 

He had to do something about this. He couldn’t just let Loptyr take over. He couldn’t do that, even if he tried -and he tried- it was not as easy as one would think. The reason he was still in control was so Loptyr could let him see the pain that he caused. However, he still resisted the control because he still had someone he could talk to, someone who still gave him the reason to keep going. That person was Ishtar.

Yet no matter how much he enjoyed her company in the darkest of times, not even she could help him overcome the overwhelming pain and sadness he felt. He had told her during the times he was in control, but even when she tried to comfort him, nothing could relieve his pain. The pain was so bad it made his body tremble, and all he could do was cry until his consciousness was gone once more, and only his subconscious remained to watch in agony the sins Loptyr had committed. 

For two years, he had thoughts, thoughts of ending everything, he just didn’t want to feel this pain anymore. The emotional pain from killing his own mother, and almost killing his twin sister. The physical pain he had felt from losing his consciousness almost entirely. And the mental pain where he felt like he was going to go crazy at any passing moment. It was like he almost  _ had _ no other choice but to get rid of himself, being the only one with the major blood of Loptyr. 

As nights passed, he grew angrier at Loptyr, who always taunted him and tried to make him cry more than he already had. It wasn’t until one fateful evening where he decided to tell Ishtar about these thoughts, knowing that she was the only one who would listen to him at this point. He had to be as quiet as he could so that others wouldn’t hear him walking, and whenever guards would ask he told them to be quiet

“Ishtar, my love…” he muttered. He did his best to not cry. He needed to be brave enough to not burst into tears in front of his lover. 

“Lord Julius, are you alright? You look scared…” Ishtar knew about Loptyr’s control and knew to just go along with whatever he said. She knew this was indeed Julius speaking to her; the weakness and uncertainty in his voice made it obvious. 

“I.. I don’t want Loptyr taking over me anymore… I.. I don’t want to see anyone else hurt than they already are..” Warm tears fell from his tired eyes. He couldn’t break down now. He needed to tell Ishtar what he had to do, the  _ only _ way he could make things right. 

“I need to get rid of myself, I have to get rid of  _ me _ , the source of this possession… my Loptyr blood” He held his lover’s hands, feeling the warmth of her presence one last time. Tears coming down faster, he knelt down and begged, just wanting her to understand. “You understand that it’s the only way... right?” It wasn’t a question _.  _

“Julius you cannot do that, no matter how much pain you suffer, you always have me!” Her voice was much more direct now, feeling shocked and angry that Julius would want to do such a thing. 

“You wouldn’t understand the pain I feel! I feel like there are knives jabbing into my skull” He stood, feeling irritated at how torturous his head felt. “I.. I want to be at peace, I want everyone to be in peace! Ishtar, you don't need me! He’ll just manipulate you” from both the aching in his head and out of frustration; he broke down. 

“My lord, you need to calm down! Please do not try to end your life, even with Loptyr in your head I have been the one to make you forget about him! You told me so many times before that my presence has made you happy even when you became possessed.” She was trying all she could to persuade him to stay with her; she loved him dearly even when he was not the man she loved.

Ishtar hugged him and pulled him close, just trying what she could to make him stop. Julius was always like this: fragile and sensitive. No matter how much he told her it wasn’t true, it was in her mind. Still crying, Julius sat down and gave in to the hug, feeling relaxed as the two stayed in the hug for a while. 

  
  


“I love you, my lord Julius...” she said “Stay here with me... You need to calm down… and think this through before even thinking about taking such an action.”

There was a long moment of silence, for a long while the prince couldn't even stop crying he couldn't help himself anymore after tolerating it for the entire evening. All of these emotions he felt were let out all at once, and for a moment he didn't hear loptyr in his head anymore he felt no pain.

After a long twenty minutes of nothing but sobs and trying to take deep breaths, he finally got the energy to speak“I…” he paused for a moment, remembering the feelings he once felt as a child. “I..love you too, my dear Ishtar,” Julius replied, no longer crying anymore but his words were spaced out and having some trouble breathing.    
  
“Would you like to stay here for the night?” she asked, her voice genuine. Seeing him feel better made her calmer, and he made her happy. 

“I would love that, my beloved…” he smiled; Ishtar was right, thanks to her he felt happy the torture he has to go through every day disappears when she is around. For the longest time, he believed they were meant to be, even now he still thinks that. so for the small amount of time he has left with his lover the two were huddled close together for the night until they both eventually drifted off into slumber. 

He felt at peace, one last time

* * *

  
  


__ **_“_ ** **_You cannot escape me! You always belonged to me”_ **

Awoken from his slumber, he heard that familiar booming voice of the dark god; making his head feel pain once again. His ears were ringing and combined with everything hurting inside he was now wide awake. 

He turned over to his side seeing Ishtar sleeping peacefully, worried that if he left she would wake up and find herself alone. He tried to sleep again in hopes he didn’t have to consider ending everything so soon, especially when he has Ishtar.

Each time he would close his eyes he would see the dragon in his mind and feeling himself in the silent and empty place of nothingness. He stayed awake and stared at the darkness, thinking that maybe he would doze off at some point, but each time that he tried he would hear the words of Loptyr. 

**_“You will never be happy! Ishtar was never happy with you”_ **

Once again the pain was unbearable; he felt the pain coming in waves as if he would easily lose himself in the agony. The throbs of pain he felt was like something hitting his head in hopes to knock him out of his awareness. He shook his head “It looks like there is no other choice…” he sighed heavily. 

He looked back at Ishtar again; gently grabbing her hand “I cannot take this anymore,” he whispers, doing what he could to ignore the pain for this moment. “I am sorry my beloved Ishtar...” He shows a sad smile on his face, he knows that she is asleep but he needed to leave as soon as possible to get this all over. 

He leaves the room of his beloved, quietly walks down the dark hallway, walking at a slow pace he reaches his own room. Since his room is next to his father’s, he tried to be as quiet as he could when entering his bedroom. The door was open just a crack so he quickly pushed open the door, enveloping himself into the darkness before shutting his own door. 

Once his eyes were used to the darkness he took a few breaths feeling the pain dying down a little. Looking over at his nightstand he saw little drawings of all his memories, he used to love drawing as a child before everything went down. In the state he was in now, it was the way he could visually remember the times he spent with Ishtar and his family. 

He couldn’t hurt Ishtar with what he was about to do, he adored her greatly and he knew she would never forgive herself if he just ended everything just like that. Just as he was about to change his mind about his plan again, he heard that familiar voice he has heard for years. 

**_“What are you doing, Julius? You are supposed to be under my control”_ **

Julius felt his head throbbing with the torturous pain again hearing the voice of the dark god again, breathing heavily he said.“I am going to get rid of you once and for all… the pain and suffering you’ve inflicted on me and my loved ones are too much for me now. I am not scared anymore. Your demise is near…” Just like that his mind immediately focused on moving his plan into action, and he knew Loptyr knew about what he was going to do, but he didn’t care. He was going to kill himself anyway.

He couldn’t kill himself with magic. He needed to inflict physical pain into his heart, As he was looking around for something in the faint moonlight he heard Loptyr’s audible voice echo in his head.

__ **_‘You’re supposed to be submissive, you're the only one who can be there so I can destroy all humanity’_ **

“I have had  **_enough_ ** of your games, I don’t want you in my head anymore!” He yelled angrily. He didn’t even care if people heard him outside the door from his bedroom. He just needed the hurt to go away.

In a rush, he looked for something, _anything_ that could kill him. In the midst of darkness, he found the steel body of something glistening; he didn't care about the length nor sharpness-- just as long as it could end all of this. He grabbed the blade and tried to stab himself in the heart, but his arm moved to the other. and proceeded to graze his arm, he wasn’t even controlling himself, that dark god kept trying to prevent him from dying. 

“Damn you Loptyr!!” He says to himself feeling adrenaline running through him from being harshly cut on his right arm. Feeling the blood on his arm flowing out, feeling nothing at all but seeing that the cut was so deep he could see his artery. 

In a fit of anger, he threw the blade onto the floor, leaving a hole on the floor, then picked it back up again and tried once again. “Just let everyone be in peace!!” he thinks to himself, only to get cut on his right arm once again. The pain this time was worse than what he had felt in his head, it felt like he was being tortured so much until he would have no other choice but to obey. Tears poured from his eyes, yet he couldn’t feel the pain all that much in his mind. The pain never bothered him that much but this was something he never thought of 

Breathing heavily, he put his right hand on his forehead, touching the mark that was on the center, noticing it hurt his head even more. His left hand still gripping onto the blade firmly dangling a couple of feet away from his feet. His palms were sweating and he felt like the blade would slip out of his hand and drop onto his feet, potentially hurting his left foot.

Shaking his head, he asked “If you don’t want me to die. Why do you want to hurt me? I could end up dying from bleeding to death..” It was a general question and a very good one to ask at that point. He had lost all awareness of the outside world and everything around him became a dark void in his mind. 

**_“You need to listen to me, hurting you is the only way..”_ ** __

That voice... He couldn’t stand that voice, he had tolerated that voice for years now but he was done. He didn’t want to hear those words anymore, Loptyr already hurt him more than a hundred times. He needed to stop stalling and get him away permanently. 

He readied the blade once more and plunged it into his stomach, groaning at the pain, keeping it in for a few moments before he took it out and breathed heavily trying to make the pain more bearable. 

He stabbed himself, again and again, trying to guarantee his death, even if each time he tried his right arm was cut, to the point where there were scars all over both of his arms and he no longer felt pain, feeling lightheaded from the loss of blood, he felt himself practically disappearing.

Minutes -too many of them- had passed, feeling lightheaded but not yet dead, his death was coming towards him though, slowly but surely. He closed his eyes, feeling satisfied that everything will be going back to peace as it was before. 

“I’m dying now, Loptyr…” he said with a small number of tears in his eyes, yet smiling because of the better future he has envisioned for most of his short life. “I hope you’re happy…” he said quietly, as his death slowly comes to him, everything is quiet. 

He was finally at peace. After years of feeling tortured, agony, and suffering, he was free from Loptyr’s possession. His spirit left the world, nowhere to be seen again. Everything was quiet in the bedroom, at least for now. 

* * *

Morning came. The bright sun shined through the castle. Ishtar had awoken from her slumber, feeling that Julius was no longer by her side. She looked over and saw that he had left; she panicked feeling really worried that he had gone and removed himself from the world without her knowing. 

Quickly, she got up, left her room, and went swiftly to Julius’s bedroom; it was in tatters of course, but that didn’t bother her. At least not compared to her seeing her lover’s corpse lying on the floor, she felt surprised that even with her trying to convince him, he ended up going through with it anyway.

There was blood everywhere and seeing no sign of him alive anymore. She saw stab marks on his stomach, chest, and both of his arms. “My love, you can’t be dead!” she remarked feeling hot tears forming from her eyes. “You could’ve tried to fight the possession, with me at your side!” she shook her head in denial, he couldn’t be dead yet, he was still so young. Sighing, she lifted his dead body and put it on the bed. At least, for now, she can have some time with him, even if he is dead. 

“Lord Julius… I..” she paused as she started to feel tears in her eyes “I do not know what to say, 

Days, weeks, months went by. There was no funeral, there was nothing. It was because of his actions from Loptyr that Emperor Arvis knew it was a risk. People heard rumors, but it was never known if they were true. 

Ishtar had to get over the pain of her lover’s death, and she managed; she had her cousin, Tine. And she had her family -even if her family wasn’t the best.

No one would be happy. The happiness hadn’t been there since the death of Deirdre. Julia was nowhere to be found, just warped as far away from her brother’s clutches. Now since Julius was dead everything became quiet, too quiet, and the tome of Loptous was hidden away never to be found again.

Even with being free from the control and the dark magic disappearing from the world. Peace never was set in stone after the death of Julius all he wanted was to have peace for Jugdral; for everyone to be safe from the darkness, but the peace that he had desired was faint.

Time passes and Ishtar visits the grave of Julius; covered in the garden of flowers to represent how much he adored being in the flower fields. Whenever she was there she would feel darkness slowly nearing, that is how she knew the Loptyr cult has not given up.

She does not visit there often due to the death of Julius being not made public aside from a few rumors. When she does she would often be there to talk to the spirit of her beloved, it was only when she sensed something bad happening, this was one of these times. 

Even when the Loptyr cult wasn’t heard from again, she knew that chaos would still ensue, Julius had told her that the Loptyr cult had not given up just yet. That if they can’t find another candidate for the tome of Loptous then nothing would occur

Julia did eventually regain her memories; feeling burdened with the pain of Loptyr possessing her own brother. The brother who would always cherish her and talk to her whenever times could get rough, he was still there and he made the choice to get rid of the dark god. She prayed that he was happy and free from the control, and she hoped peace would be with him.

More years slipped away and Seliph and his liberation army got everything back to how it was, yet there was still no sign of who exactly caused all of this to go down. Nobody would know and it was a secret for far too many years. A secret that only Ishtar knew, one that would burden her for the rest of her days.

* * *

_ ‘It's killing me that I won't get to hear your laughter anymore’ _

_ ‘Hope that I get to see you on the other side’ _

  
  


__


End file.
